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Cookies:
The server tracks where in the world you are from, what you had for tea, what browser you are using, if you are on a mobile device, if you like snakes or monkeys, if you clicked on a link to get here and how long you stayed on the website.

If we kick our web bloke enough times he will look at that data, promise to make us a chart sometime, give us a few random stats until we get bored. We dont keep or want any personal data (that means extra paperwork). If that is still too big brother for you there are loads of information sites out there about removing cookies, how the yank bloke with funny hair is really a commie, big pharma actually has a cure for the common cold and that airplane contrails are responsible for global warming (or is that the chemicals one?).

Privacy Notice.
We aint seen ya, wont tell no-one nuffink cos we aint stoolies.
Promise

Terms of use.
We endeavour to keep the website up and running 24/7. We try very hard not to get the server infected with nasty bugs that could make your browsing device ill. We like to think all the information on this website is factually correct and honest.

BUT sometimes mistakes get made, errors in translation (our web bloke mostly speaks geek), the ghost in the machine turns out to be a poltergeist. Its not happened ever but if it should. We will be very, very sorry but will accept no liability whatsoever for the issues and any inconvenience, loss of income, your pet hiding under the sofa, invasion of the spider people, damage to your browsing device, introducing the populace to the long earth or the emergence of skynet. By using this website you accept that nothing is ever our fault and you can’t blame us for anything even if you stub your toe on the tree you never got round to pruning.

Complaints.
If we have somehow offended you with our website, please send your complaint via registered (signed for) post on pink paper to.

Complaints.
Elstow Landscapes
Ridgeways Farm
Kempston Rural
Bedfordshire
Beds
All letters of complaint will be acknowledged within 140 working days of receipt. Where complaints cannot be fully addressed within 360 days a letter of acknowledgement will be sent stating the likely timescale before a comprehensive response.

Supper.
Kebab today I think, I have a hankering for a lamb special … maybe strawberry cheesecake for afters ?

Copyright.
All images have been made by our web bloke, photos taken by one of the staff, or from open source royalty free sites. Words written by us. Any logos (other than ours) we have used or may use in the future are used with permission and we claim no ownership of them in any form. The website code was mostly made with magic, php, some sort of database & caffeine. We would rather you didn’t use any of our words or photos unless its to say how good we are.

Links.
Thanks to technology, smart phones, tablets and “the way of the world” we link to other websites (product manufacturers, our web bloke, google, maybe random other stuff in the future) or programs (for email or phone calls). We accept no responsibility if any of them break anything.
We have no control (could you imagine being in control of Google …) of what app your phone launches, have no control of information, bugs or nasty infections on other sites infarct once you leave here your on your own

I think that pretty much covers everything. We didn’t do it, its not our fault if we did, we didn’t see you, we dont want to sell your information to anyone, using this website implies you consent to all of this, that you acknowledge this information could change at any times and its your fault that writing about cookies has made me hungry. Thanks